I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
