So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
