The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
