Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
