i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
