she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
