sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
