Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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