he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
