you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
