It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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