She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
