You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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