Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
