seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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