is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
