Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
