make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
