I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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