Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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