Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
