I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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