You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
