Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
