it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
PANTIES FOUND
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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