Can i not drive my cunt home
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
