All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
