We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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