Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
