how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
