did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
