Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
