everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
