the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
3pm strippers are depressing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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