You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
