i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
