Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He had one of those small greek statue penises
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
