all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
