I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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