Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
