I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
