i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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