a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
