he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
