And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
