everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
