Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
