I have demons in me.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Green mimosas i think yes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
