I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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