You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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