I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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