Cold hands, warm shart.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
