Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
